BMW M5 Touring: The Jonah Lomu Of The Automotive World

Images By Hayden Povey

I’m feeling rather smug about this analogy, which came to me while wistfully gazing into a warm pint in my local. Jonah Lomu, the insanely powerful New Zealand wrecking ball is, I’ve decided, the perfect way to describe the BMW M5 Touring for anyone in need of an automotive frame of reference.

Both are physical impossibilities that somehow exist. Neither should move with such devastating effect (yet both do) and both are absolutely petrifying to face. Just as Lomu could bulldoze through an entire defensive line with brute force, the new M5 Touring does the same to a bunch of unsuspecting M3 lane hoggers. Only one of them comes with ISOFIX, though.

Right, that’s quite enough of the Lomu comparisons. So, what to make of the new M5? Well, like me, you’ve probably waded through the usual torrent of online opinions and verdicts and frankly, I think you can leave most of them where you found them. Because for me, most - if not all - miss the point of this car entirely.

Many lament the supposed lack of track-focused performance. Well, I’m sorry, but at 2,550 kg, it’s far too heavy for track-day antics, not unless you’ve shares in Michelin and a standing appointment at your local tyre centre. In truth, this car has been built for the road, because that’s where it does all its best work.

It’s an animal of the A-roads, a destroyer of dual carriageways and a king of the commute. It reigns supreme and there’s very little on the road that can get anywhere near it. Overtaking happens in seconds, illegal speeds in half that. Yet on the flip side, it’s calm, composed and remarkably refined when you just want to settle back into your lane.

That serenity comes courtesy of what lurks beneath. The G99 is the most powerful and complex M5 ever built, a plug-in hybrid V8 with 727 metric horsepower, 1,000 Nm of torque and a PhD in defying physics. The 0–62 mph time of 3.6 seconds sounds ferocious, yet the delivery feels absurdly gentlemanly. Stamp on the throttle and instead of a neck-snapping explosion, you’re met with something far more Germanic: smooth, relentless and dare I say, almost Rolls-Royce-like in its composure. It takes a moment to recalibrate.

That Jekyll-and-Hyde balance (absurd pace versus peace and quiet) is what makes this car so utterly brilliant. There’s a fascination to its performance that’s deeply addictive, yet it can still waft to the shops in near silence and perfect comfort, should you wish.

Not that you’ll resist for long. Sooner or later, your thumbs will find the ‘M1’ and ‘M2’ buttons perched atop the steering wheel, ready to wake the 4.4-litre V8 once again. These little triggers and that glorious lump of an engine, are the purest remnants of the M5’s past.

In ‘M1’, the car becomes the consummate grand tourer: quick, composed and obedient. Tap ‘M2’ and everything changes. The suspension tenses, the gearbox sharpens, the exhaust valves open, the rear diff bites and that electric boost teams up with the V8 for the full assault.

At around £135,000 (with options), it’s also surprisingly reasonable when you consider its only true rival is the Porsche Panamera Turbo S E-Hybrid, a car that’s £60,000 to £70,000 dearer once you’ve matched the spec and far less practical for everyday use.

No, the M5 won’t flatter you down a curvy B-road, nor will it chase Nürburgring lap records (fastest estate, perhaps?). But as a daily weapon, it’s utterly peerless. Quite possibly the last of the great combustion bruisers before the world goes totally silent?

To match its muscle, there’s a real edge to the way it looks. The Touring body adds a hint of menace; the wide haunches, sculpted bonnet and gaping lower grille (designed to inhale air and small hatchbacks) exude purpose. Those vast carbon-ceramic brakes with their gold callipers very much tell their own story.

Even at a standstill, the M5 looks ready to do harm. BMW’s modern design language may divide opinion but on this car it works. The super-broad kidney grilles are flanked by razor-sharp LED signatures that glow like narrowed eyes. Its stance is pure presence: 20-inch alloys up front, 21s at the rear - yes, please.

Carbon-fibre mirror caps, quad exhausts, a sculpted rear diffuser and acres of shadowline trim complete the look.

In Hybrid mode, it glides silently for up to 38 miles (or 62 km, if you believe the WLTP brochure), slipping through towns with sense and sensibility. Yet despite its hybrid peccadilloes, everything about the M5 still feels very driver focused. The centre console is festooned with just enough controls, each switch and dial perfectly positioned to enhance the experience.

The ‘M Hybrid’ and ‘M Mode’ selectors take pride of place, allowing you to fine-tune power delivery and steering feedback. The adaptive suspension and xDrive system respond with uncanny intuition. Rear-biased when you want to play, neutral and secure when the weather turns British.

Inside, intimidation gives way to utter indulgence. The Silverstone and Black Merino leather cabin is a masterclass in modern BMW luxury. Rich, tactile, and unexpectedly serene. As is the way these days, the curved infotainment display dominates the dashboard, merging crystal-clear graphics with typically German logic.

Ambient light bars shift from cool blues to fiery reds depending on drive mode, bathing the cabin in a cinematic glow. The latest iDrive system is clean, logical and quick to respond. It pairs effortlessly with Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, but crucially, never detracting from the business of driving.

The Bowers & Wilkins audio system is sublime, the heated and ventilated M Multifunction seats are a godsend and the thick-rimmed heated steering wheel is beautifully contoured and purpose-built for long hauls up and down the country.

In summary, I think the new BMW M5 has finally become what it was always destined to be - the ultimate driving machine. Not through raw aggression or headline figures but through a masterful balance of intelligence, indulgence and sheer mechanical brilliance.

https://www.bmw.co.uk/en/index.html

Model: BMW (G99) M5 Touring

Base Price (As Driven): £112,500 (£135,408)

Propulsion: 4.4-litre V8 with Hybrid System

Output: 727 hp

Torque: 1,000 Nm

0-62 mph: 3.6 Seconds

Top Speed: 190 mph (M Driver’s Package)

Kerb Weight: 2,550 kg

Electric Range (WLTP): 39 Miles

C02 Emissions: 45 g/km